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Uzume

About

Username
Uzume
Joined
Visits
2,022
Last Active
Roles
Member
Points
2,525
Badges
13
Posts
173
Birthday
April 29, 1999
Personal Quote
I want it closed have fun with 1meso c-b% stat nebs "leg equipment to obtain these items"-fud. making ubsurd accusations with no evidence-fud. I give up but continue to debate pointlessly. you win
About Me
I'm an artist.
  • [Fan Fiction] Sacred Tears, Chapter 1

    There were a lot of problems with this, that I personally cannot go over all of them. It was mostly problems with the writing, in that sometimes you used a semicolon when you didn't need to, you forgot a bunch of commas, and some areas had really bad spelling and/or grammar.

    For example, we were introduced to the mother as "Adelia" and then her name immediately changes to "Aelia," and later on she gets referred to as "Aelis" and then "Adelia" once more. What IS her name?
    There's a lot of run on sentences, badly worded sentences, and redundancy.
    “Don’t worry; nothing can hurt you here so long as I am here.” is redundant. He already said here, he doesn't need to say it again. "Nothing can hurt you, so long as I am here." would sound better.

    The story, also, just throws you into a setting that, despite me being knowledgeable about MapleStory's lore, leave me clueless as to what is actually happening. This isn't a MapleStory fanfiction, it's an original story at this point. Just because the characters are "the same" or "similar," it doesn't follow the lore within MapleStory.
    I had no idea what was happening for the majority of the story. I think it'd benefit you a little more to explain to readers what something is instead of leaving us in the dark. What is Usoria? Why, exactly, do they need to get their child blessed? What time period does this take place in? Even more importantly, who on Earth are our main characters?

    Another thing is inconsistency. I already mentioned the inconsistency with Aelia's name, but there are parts where something is mentioned and it's then disregarded. You mention the child's "Crystal blue eyes" but then negate that by later saying "Blue-grey eyes." Crystal blue is NOT blue-grey, unless you're implying the kid has gotten tainted on his way to the temple. Which, you know, I'm actually inclined to believe.

    Also, it's labor pains. Not birth pains.

    There wasn't anything inherently wrong with the story, it's original, this was just a bit of my critique. I hope you don't think I hated this or anything, cause I tried coming off as neutral in my post. I still look forward to seeing what you can do in the future.
    Yoshumari
  • Post your Maple Waifu ITT.

    image
    Pride
  • Welcome to the new forums!

    Yo. Unsure where to post this but friend is havin' issues choosing a new name, instead of it telling them it's taken it says "You can not update forum name at this time." but when they create a new account it says the name is taken. Any idea whats up with that?

    Edit: also when you click "like" on your profile (or mine at least), everything is all black like this:
    image
    Pride
  • Everything you need to know about me.

    image
    Pretty simple. I drew this a while ago. It's a reflection of my ideal world and a world I fear.
    I'm pretty weird.
    Oh, and I'm an artist. And I'm Apollon. Hello!
    bumbertyrJettLuvsUContrastYacywuenKeepComingBackBasuraPrideInvulgo
  • I'm loving the new look

    I often rely on the avatar to know who's saying what. I look at the avatar first, name second.
    It's gonna be a bit confusing if everyone have the same avatar.
    Me too.
    Will be looking forward to the updates to these forums, a little sad the posts are gone but I have a link to the old forums to just read up whenever I feel like it. Like someone else said, I do hope they archive it. I remember the old old forums, before the previous forums, and that one just went poof. Hope the same doesn't happen to the previous forums.
    Gonna take a bit getting used to this style though, and I'm probably gonna have to earn my cool rep as Apollon again (haha as if anyone knew me aside from my art)
    Maryse