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Hate myself for something I did

DaxterbeerDaxterbeer
Reactions: 7,500
Posts: 1,072
Member
edited October 2023 in Rants and Raves
The person I am most pissed off with is no other than myself. I made an inappropriate joke to the previous CM and got myself banned from the official Discord 3 years ago. I have been pretty upset with this because I was unable to communicate with any players, see art/videos, accomplishments or updates from the main server. I was fortunate enough to still be allowed to play the game, chat on Twitch (and giveaways) and participate in contests too. I recently won an acrylic stand from the Twitch giveaway back in June but still hasn't arrive, but I don't know if I am still eligible for it anymore from the more recent events. I got banned from Twitch as well. I didn't make any inappropriate remarks since that incident except maybe ask Ezra if my ban from Discord could be lifted (which I am still banned due to the team's decision.) I feel this new ban on Twitch is more punishment for bugging the CM (or possibly brining up the idea of Frenzy Totem and Pottable Badges in the chat.)

I am very unhappy that I lost all communication with the game aside from the game itself and can never come back. Unlike the a game perm ban that I could return under a new email, I cannot return to Discord because of IP blocking. Even if I were to sneak back onto either platform, I'm pretty the staff would immediately blacklist me in the off chance I win something under a new alias (my home address would look the same and the IGN would look the same for previously sent in game prizes) That might be last contest I can participate in or my prize might have already been revoked for making the team crack by asking them too many questions.

Aside from developing a strong sense of hatred with myself from a bad joke I made 3 years, I felt as though I lost a ton of social skills during the past 3 years. My society anxiety seemed to skyrocket, making it hard to even order food or pay for stuff at the register to the point I chose to starve outside than face the cashier at a McDonald's. All my mind can see were the mods messaging me that harassment is not a joke and that the server is a PG-13 environment and that I am no longer welcome. Before Maplestory, I didn't have many friends to talk to. When during my decade + in the game and Discord, I was able to talk normally and not hesitate so much when it came to talking to cashiers or waiters. Following the Discord banishment, social skilled dropped drastically, Twitch banishment took the rest and left me with more reasons to have myself.

I still have no answer to why the additional ban on Twitch happened and I am afraid to DM the CM further (pretty sure he is tired of my ___ .) I'm certain I won't be allowed to return to any of those two platforms. All I know is if I was somehow put on parole, I would be really careful with anything I say. I loved Maplestory, but now I have mixed feelings because I am no longer welcome and wonder if I even belong near people after what I said years ago. If I were given a choice between claiming the acrylic and something else, I would choose a another chance.

I'm waiting for someone to tell me dream on and move on, or a staff/VFM to tell me all Discord and Twitch related bans are final and cannot be appealed or maybe this is a third platform to remove me from if they are really sick of me.

Comments

  • AlexKarevAlexKarev
    Reactions: 1,035
    Posts: 23
    Member
    edited August 11
    To be frank I left the official Maplestory discord server because of the arguments the whales can't seem to understand from a casual players background.
    I even closed up my Twitch account because lets face it? There's little to no gain so to speak to them is like talking to a wall. "Hey I need help" & subscribe to them is like "I'm desperate here take my money" and I know you don't give a dam about the casual player base.
  • rizariza
    Reactions: 3,140
    Posts: 642
    Member
    edited September 28
    Welcome to the gang. I got ban cause someone name Chres insulted me then right after they just banned me while putting hand wave emojis, then after when it been revealed that they came up with a reason for my ban stating in quote "He certainly deserved to be banned multiple times over. But he was good at not directly breaking any rules, so, they had to catch him for that "impersonation" bit." I don't get what that means when I never broke the rules or even impersonated anyone I was insulted and before I can respond they just ban me. I think the remarks you made or anything you say depends on who you are there's a lot of people who say racist, slurs and many things and never once gets a warning. I feel they act with who ever they feel like and don't really uphold the rules for everyone. Also aru even admitted I didn't do anything wrong and I can make a new account and rejoin but why should I make a new account then they can just remove the ban on the list and I rejoin on my regular account. Makes no sense especially if I didn't break no rules. But yeah maplestory official mostly people arguing and witch hunting people it not always productive but I find twitch or bean bigrade discords more helpful as there's never drama there.