The person I am most pissed off with is no other than myself. I made an inappropriate joke to the previous CM and got myself banned from the official Discord 3 years ago. I have been pretty upset with this because I was unable to communicate with any players, see art/videos, accomplishments or updates from the main server. I was fortunate enough to still be allowed to play the game, chat on Twitch (and giveaways) and participate in contests too. I recently won an acrylic stand from the Twitch giveaway back in June but still hasn't arrive, but I don't know if I am still eligible for it anymore from the more recent events. I got banned from Twitch as well. I didn't make any inappropriate remarks since that incident except maybe ask Ezra if my ban from Discord could be lifted (which I am still banned due to the team's decision.) I feel this new ban on Twitch is more punishment for bugging the CM (or possibly brining up the idea of Frenzy Totem and Pottable Badges in the chat.)

I am very unhappy that I lost all communication with the game aside from the game itself and can never come back. Unlike the a game perm ban that I could return under a new email, I cannot return to Discord because of IP blocking. Even if I were to sneak back onto either platform, I'm pretty the staff would immediately blacklist me in the off chance I win something under a new alias (my home address would look the same and the IGN would look the same for previously sent in game prizes) That might be last contest I can participate in or my prize might have already been revoked for making the team crack by asking them too many questions.

Aside from developing a strong sense of hatred with myself from a bad joke I made 3 years, I felt as though I lost a ton of social skills during the past 3 years. My society anxiety seemed to skyrocket, making it hard to even order food or pay for stuff at the register to the point I chose to starve outside than face the cashier at a McDonald's. All my mind can see were the mods messaging me that harassment is not a joke and that the server is a PG-13 environment and that I am no longer welcome. Before Maplestory, I didn't have many friends to talk to. When during my decade + in the game and Discord, I was able to talk normally and not hesitate so much when it came to talking to cashiers or waiters. Following the Discord banishment, social skilled dropped drastically, Twitch banishment took the rest and left me with more reasons to have myself.

I still have no answer to why the additional ban on Twitch happened and I am afraid to DM the CM further (pretty sure he is tired of my ___ .) I'm certain I won't be allowed to return to any of those two platforms. All I know is if I was somehow put on parole, I would be really careful with anything I say. I loved Maplestory, but now I have mixed feelings because I am no longer welcome and wonder if I even belong near people after what I said years ago. If I were given a choice between claiming the acrylic and something else, I would choose a another chance.

I'm waiting for someone to tell me dream on and move on, or a staff/VFM to tell me all Discord and Twitch related bans are final and cannot be appealed or maybe this is a third platform to remove me from if they are really sick of me.