On the day I lost everything, it happened as such- I tripped in a café and spilled my grande birthday cake frappuccino all over my red boots. As a result, I was laughed out of my dream interview for a stylist position at Henesys Salon.
It all spiraled from there. My failure pushed my parents into illness. Being unemployed, I could not afford their care and so they soon passed away. Full of grief, my brother left for a yoga retreat in El Nath and decided to never return home.
I found myself alone and penniless. Thoughts of that fateful day plagued me- why didn’t I have the strength to hold on to that frappe? But it dawned on me that the fault was not of my own. In fact, it was the world that was wrong.
Society had wronged me, so I was going to pay it back tenfold. I wore a frappuccino-themed bracelet from then on to remind me of the injustice I experienced. I pushed through my studies and attended university, where I focused on politics. That prepared me for a career in social advocacy, which allowed me to accomplish the following:
- Used eminent domain to seize land on behalf of the Kerning City Subway construction project, effectively razing several historic neighborhoods for a safe, clean, and modern subway system.
- Successfully campaigned for the deregulation of unethical Evil Eye habitat laws in Ellinia.
- Advocated on behalf of mining companies (honest job-creators for the depraved locals) in Edelstein.
- A basic understanding of the Maple Revenue Service tax code (which goes a long way bc hardly anyone cares to know).
- Extensive experience with tax deductibles regarding private armies, weapons of mass destruction, and health insurance for recently revived henchmen.
As your commander, I would work to dismantle Maple World through its very own laws- what a slap to the face that would be! My rare tax knowledge and business acumen will be of great assistance to you.
Creating multiple shell companies for no-strings-attached meso spending would be the first order of business, so that your most ambitious ventures may be properly funded. This would be followed by a systematic, grassroots campaign aimed at rolling back corporate regulations. Once those are in full swing, we will acquire corporations, and combine them into conglomerates powerful enough to sway policy. I am fully confident that we will one day face the Cygnus Knights in the court of law and win.
Oh great one, history has shown that you are a patient man when it comes to total annihilation. I believe that this will be a source of endless entertainment for you, and the spectacle will be so that the world itself will not realize what is happening until it is too late. By the time you assert legitimacy, they will come to know the irony of their undoing!
